БУКВИТЕ - САЙТЪТ ЗА НОВА БЪЛГАРСКА ЛИТЕРАТУРА

~***~

Иглика Николова-Ступак (iglika_rw)

Раздел: Поеми и цикли стихотворения  Цикъл:

 photo book cover _zpsmdsthauq.jpg

 

 



 

 

 

Let Me, Robbie





Iglika Nikolova Stoupak







®All rights reserved





















Disclaimer



The texts in this compilation do not in any way claim to represent the cities whose names they bear or the countries they are situated in. They are strictly symbolic, sometimes vaguely linked to the place, sometimes related to Robbie Williams' tour or life and most of the time very, very far-fetched ! Not all poems are related to Robbie but Robbie's lyrics are always a source of inspiration <3

 

 

Robbie, this 'book' is my way to say Thank You and show my love for you. Knowing that you are a sensitive person, I feel the need to say that if I ever felt like I've written something you dislike or I've hurt you with something I've said or done, I would cry like a baby, lock myself up in the bathroom, neglecting husband and son, and triple my dose of antidepressants. In other words, it would have been fully unintentional.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Support Act

 

public class Thank You For Letting Me Be Me

 

{ public static void main(String args[])

 

String people ;

for (me!=people)

this.ISay();

 

String me = '' '' ;

int me = 1 ;

if (me!=''liked'')

me-- ;

this.ISay();

 

int positionMe ;

int positionThem ;

 

while (positionMe><positionThem)

String they='HateMe' ;

return true ;

 

if (int people.Think()=''ImScum'')

me.Think() = people.Think() ;

 

this.ISay();

 

int you=1 ;

you.Think()='<3' ;

 

while (String you=='here')

i++ ;

 

this.ISay();

}

 

 

private void ISay (int you)

{if (you=!them)

System.out.println("Thank you for letting me be me");

else

i-- ; }

 

 

 

 

 

Madrid

 

In the city of Cervantes ?

Maybe that is where it starts

with wind, windmills, 2-day camps

and illusions

 

Good night, folks,

Thank you for an amazing night tonight

(it's what I put on Facebook,

tagged my friends I had a drink with,

who btw don't speak English)

 

I named my son Spencer and my dog Charlie

Chacun à son goût goes accross my chest/breast

 

I hate dark chocolate, and I hated cashew nuts,

but now I am trying my best to get to love them

 

Tried jumping into an empty pool

but got scared in the last moment

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Barcelona

 

Un amigo es una persona que te conoce,no importa desde hace cuánto tiempo

Podéis compartir intereses comunes,pero no es necesario

Tampoco no es necesario que hagáis algo en particular cuando estáis juntos

Cuando estás con un amigo, no tienes que estar atento con las cosas que dices o haces

Él nunca se aburrirá o se enfadará

... o, si lo hace, él te dará muchas oportunidades para corregir tus errores

El amigo te ayudaría a aprender, amejorarte,a ser un mejor amigo, pero ya te amapor lo que eres

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Paris I

 

Cafes, chairs all facing the same side

Parents making swirls with spoons

Children also around – mine, too

On a wooden horse

Far too miniature for his age

 

Then he comes and says

'Mummy, is there a kid that would talk to me ?

I want to play'

What do they say ?

'Nothing'

Are you sure you're using French, my boy ?

'Oui'

Certain ?

'Of course.

French is my native tongue,

aussi'

 

Feet size 13 hit the floor again

to get the wooden horse moving forward

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Paris II

 

No tent

 

'Iggy, it's gonna be the best concert ever

I have a feeling'

You and your feelings, dear

 

You said I was not enthusiastic

But you still don't know my enthusiasm

Si seulement il faisait beau !

 

I told you to bring playing cards

But the wind is too strong

I asked by dad to find a removable battery

to recharge the tablet as we watch films

But my hands would have frozen

 

'We are going to catch tonsillitis,'

you say,

'I have a feeling'

Si seulement il faisait beau !

 

We are on the underground

Thought we'd get lost that late at night

We didn't

In the morning, scared, I swallow to check

How my throat feels

Nothing

Then I examine my skin for a signature

Waiting to be tattooed

Nothing, either

 

Si seulement il faisait beau !

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Paris III

 

Quand je suis arrivée en France pour la première fois
et j'ai passe 2 mois la-ba avec le petit et la belle-mère
Je découvert beaucoup de choses
On étais assis dans une balançoire quand avec le p'tit
Un serpent nous a reproche'
J'avais l'intention de rien dire
Mais quant le serpent s'est mis debout en disant 'ssssss',
je me suis mis a hurler : 'Snake ! Snake ! Errr Serpent ! Serpent !'
Le mari et la belle-mère sont arrivés 'Mais non ! Ici il n'y a pas de ser...
Aaaaaaa'

Puis on est allé voir un château dans les environs du village
On se promenait dans les rues médiévales
Le fiston a récupéré' quelque chose de par terre
Et c’était... une sourit morte
(qui ne courrait pas dans l'herbe)
Il la tenait par la cou
Je me suis mis a hurler en rien disant
'Mais quoi ?' mon mari a dit 'Il va bien, il joue !
Il joue avec... une sourit morte. Ah, d'accord'  

Après, quand nous nous promenions dans une petit ville
Ou il y avait des café-chocolateries chic
Le petit a pris quelque chose dans ses mains
Je n'ai même pas hurlé  
'Est- … ce... que c'est … de... la... merde ?'
'Mais non, Iglika ! Ah, oui. On va dans la pharmacie
Acheter de la liquide nettoyante'

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kaunas

 

The Language that Changed the Least

 

I wanted to change the least possible

Physically

Mentally

Linguistically

To practice French, and Spanish, and Italian

And Greek, and Latin

Every day and never bounce back

Be a graph that's at least a straight line

And compare myself to others

Be the best

And be the best at remaining this way

 

But after what I've been through

I know

It's ok not to do your exercises one night

To have a meal full of carbohydrates

It's okay to forget

It's okay to have no words left

Not be in good form

To never be like before

To lose achievements you were proud of

And to preserve

Just myself

Bullshitting the rest

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Riga

 

Cold

 

I woke up early

I rarely do

I took a walk

Uncommon for someone who works from home

And this is what I saw

 

A selling lady pissed off at me

Because I expected she'd be selling

what the front door indicates is being sold

 

Teachers in private schools,

Making your child cry

After emptying your pocket

 

Lawyers showing their erudition

Through trying to emphasise how little

You know of their profession

 

Small, mechanical favours,

Holding doors, picking coins

To hear no Thank You's

 

And no love

I saw no love

The one thing I didn't see

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

St Petersburg

 

A city was built overnight

To symbolise time

A city was build at a place

Where it shouldn't have

Where the sea could invade

 

With modernity, time was never the same

Watch in our pocket, we split the seconds

 

Bergson said, there is another time

in your head, which differs

Tiiiiick-toc or tooooc-tick

 

I am obsessed with time

I compulsively count the hours

I am going to spend sleeping

And compare to tables I've googled

About my age and level of physical activity

 

Although when I stay awake at night

Waiting for your red light

I only count the seconds UNTIL you arrive

Time does not pass after that

 

Sunrise, crowds, support acts

Tic-toc, tic-toc, tic-toc

Then you arrive and watches stop

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Moscow

 

Hairy Feet and One Hairy Leg

 

You came in like a hairy ball

 

And all you ever do was meow

Asleep in my arms while I'm tying

It looks like you're my armpit hair

My husband's idiotically cute, and that is rare

 

Days are no longer human days

They took a different pace

From my bed to my bed

From sunset to sunset

From zoloft to zoloft

 

I lift my foot aloft

Hairy ball

Scratch marks on my face

Hairy ball

 

I hope to see you many days

Fluffy ball

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Minsk

 

The Country of Noble Prize Winners

 

The award goes to you

And you

And you, and you, and you

 

You're the most innovative

You're the most noble

You're the child all parents would die to have

 

You're the most artistic

You're the most exact

You're the most caring

Now everyone, on your feet

 

Noble

Priceless

 

If only at least you were robotic

Or at least ugly

That, you are not

 

In the house where everyone has a noble prize

What can I get ? Who can I be ?

What could make you see me ?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Krakow

 

My husband is a pig

 

I mean, I've been writing an essay on Faulkner for 3 days now knackered it is 4 am and birds singing already the sun rises so early in spring here in the UK The least he could have done is keep the box so we can put the cake back in otherwise it will get dry and it will not be eatable anymore WTF I was planning to surprise him and buy his birthday cake from an artisan shop but they said right away they were all booked for days to come although I did contact them way in advance Aren't you going back to Poland for the holidays they said casually to be nice But I have never been to Poland and neither has my husband who is French FFS although I do realise we strike as coming from the same country we kinda look alike We finally bought it from TESCO but it s really good anyway I love the way birthday cakes are in the UK Back home in Bulgaria they are so soaked with syrup that it just makes me sick to eat a whole piece dunno why I guess maybe it is my blood sugar levels calling Already at the upper limit should be careful with my dadhaving diabetes and all Ah speaking of the woolf and here he is calling The rumours are true he says Robbie is in Bulgaria at the moment I know which hotel he is staying at Whaaat Robbie oh please try to get an autograph for me If I was crazy enough I d just catch a freaking plane today and go there but essay s due in 12 hours also I ve never left the little one you know so not the right time But please try to get this autograph thing ok I put on my TT Tshirt today it s TESCO value too why not I like it I ve nothing with Robbie in the moment so next best thing Not embarassed a boyband doesn t fit the university image they may say You look great mummy they say No I don t baby weight very much here and it s been long since he s no longer a baby How is the little one good I say struggling with the three languages and all Can I use your stapler please to put the essay together Wait I ll have a final read through Handed in What a relief and so nice that it s sunny today My dad calls to say Robbie did sign an autograph saying it d be the only one he d sign while in Bulgaria

 

I should Skype Ayda I miss her it is so tough to cross the globe like this after such a short notice Isn t there a way to warn me a little earlier Imagine when we have kids how it s gonna be I m probably going to be too attached to them to continue with this I have never been here before Yes of course I know the country s name it s Bulgaria I like seeing more of countries I visit for the first time but let s get this done with because it s boiling hot and let s face it it s much easier to shoot a video when you are on your own Gary says this I say that Mark agrees with me bless him Luckily there aren t many peeps from the local press if there were I d have to refuse to give an interview so tired but I actually want to speak now seeing they are being interviewedI have to add to what Jason just said Wait a second guys Is there an Internet connection in the film centre Yes there is one Skype is charging a little slowly Hello babe I miss you too It will not take more than a day we have now fully agreed on what we are doing And yes we are going to try the Japanese restaurant right when I come back The thing is I don t especially like the concept of the video you know imitating those cheesy action films They are too fake out of fashion completely now not even worth caricaturing them Now we ve got fake people on reality shows to make fun of Anyways there is nothing ironic in the video we re just trying to look cool and then the traditional happy ending where everyone is singing and dancing Ok not bad for kidz to look at indeed but somehow I thought the lyrics were deeper than this if you know what I mean Gotta go shooting continues And then soon afterwards it s over guess I must have enjoyed it because time passed fast Now let us go to the hotel have a quick dinner together and hopefully have an early night I wonder what fans from Bulgaria are like hopefully not the kind that barricades hotels No Great Just this lady working in the hotel that took out a printed picture of me and asked me to sign an autograph for someone Ok fair enough But this is going to be the only autograph I sign

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bratislava

 

Parachute

 

When it's scary but not dangerous

When it's dangerous but not scary

You're behind me

 

I don't know when to reach out with my hand

I'm scared to look at you, for it could be too late

When directions are upside down

You're behind me

 

When I'm too tightly on the ground

You will let the wind take us away

Even broken,

you will open

For me

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Linz I

 

How you made me cry

 

I was thinking about you

Wondered what you may be doing

Then I checked Facebook

And knew what you were doing

 

Have you also checked on me,

Not letting the past be ?

Are you going to like my life now

Because I still like yours

 

One day you'll take a trip

And I may take a trip nearby

We can have dinner with the families

I wish we had before, at least once

 

Or let farewell be

 

That's when I find myself

in front of you again,

in the past

I look into your eyes

in the past

And tears roll down mine

Now

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Linz II

 

Sit down and tell me your story

I'll find your folder under 'W', on the shelf

Talk fears, faces, what makes you feel sorry

They say you love to psychoanalyse yourself

 

The doctor frowns at things I mention

The doctor says I am spoiled

And as I look, I am the patient

And I am Doctor Freud

 

Am I being too intrusive ?

How dare you go insane ?

From the depth of this jacuzzi

How dare you talk pain ?

 

 

10, 9, 8,

What's your favourite position in bed ?

7, 6, 5,

Are you happy you are still alive ?

4, 3, 2

Fun, tell us about being you !

1, forget

That me and myself ever met

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Abu Dhabi

 

Tomatoes, you know, are real

That is, if they remain tomatoes

If they try to be melons, however, they then become fakes

- Mitsuo Aida



I was born in Bulgaria

I also lived in the UK and in France

When I tried to cook banitsa in the UK,

Find a veggie English breakfast at a French pub

and buy French pastries in the Bulgarian version of Carrfour,

I was disappointed



When I was on a diet

and tried to reward myself for the effort

with a tasty treat that doesn't break it

Rather than counting on a non-food related prize,

I almost cried



When I'd fall asleep

Unfinished MA thesisnext to my pillow

I dreamed that I was writing, and writing, and writing it

All I wrote made sense, but only in the dream

A dream tried to be useful

I tore the white paper in anger in the morning



When I am stealing you

As if the pain would subside

I am ridiculous

What I can change, what I cannot, what I should not :

I lack the wisdom to know the difference

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tel Aviv

 

Curtains close

I didn't like your clothes

I disliked the way

You never looked my way

Even something you said

Made me not idealise you

I despise you

 

Not

 

It takes a line you said

A tear you shed

A closeup of your eyes

The place you hold in my life

to know

 

I will love you from the bottom of my heart

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Encore: Burgas

 

In my sleep

I always see him in the most bizarre of places

Singing

On my balcony

In a seminar hall

In the yard of the primary school my mum

used to go to in her home village

On the bloody North Pole (really)

 

Express the feeling ? I will not

Some poets may be able to, but real ones – not me

If you ever had a dream that felt so relaxing and true

That you didn't want to go to sleep again and efface it,

You were this dream

 

 

I also dream of Travelling funfairs

And here we go again

How they surprise you by appearing close to you

Or somewhere else, somewhere random

They turn you upside down

And screams and laughter come out

Without you remembering causing them to

Then they go away

And let you calmly revisit the empty place

It feels so sweet

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2015-07-09

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