A little more... me

Вайлет Р. Кецкарова (allyvrk)

Раздел: Проза на чужд език  Цикъл: Reflections EN

Isn’t it funny how we’re sometimes most happy at the things that make us most sad? Something as expected as the morning dew on the cacti leaves in the dry desert… Something to bring a smile on your face. Yet it only caused more pain. More than you already felt? For all injustice, for all the decisions you should have made, for all the choices you were too late to make… Yes, more pain, more tears drawing a picture in the letters, drawing a face you cannot forget, yet you wish you had never seen… Things would have been so much easier if I had only… no, what’s done is done for better or for worse. After all, who said it would be easy? Who promised life would be a fairy tale? But I believed it was. “Poor mistaken fool!” Yes, I am. I am a fool. I’m not grown-up for you, I guess. Or I’m just a loser. Always, always, whenever there is a choice… you’d get the other one, wouldn’t you? I’m just one step away, one step not-enough. I’m… me, the kid, the fool, the donkey that Fiona would never choose, cause I’m not of the same kind. A little wilder, a little freer, a little more prejudiced, a little weaker, a little prouder, a little more insane, a little more me. Are you ready for me? Foolish question! Of course you’re not. I’m not. No one is. Doomed to roam alone I am! Despite the walks, and talks, that last hug hurrying for the bus… umm, the plane? Despite it all, despite the shared dreams, experiences, stories, or beliefs. Still lonely, not alone, but do I reach you? Has this wall that I have built around me hurt my ability to reach out and touch your heart? Or is the wall you have built around yourself even higher, Friend? Does it grow with the years? Are we so much the same that we can go alone, go on bleeding, misguiding ourselves? We’re brothers under the sun, we fight the same battles, we suffer the same wounds, we believe in the same cause. Fear not, I won’t hurt you! Not this time, I learned some that last time. Damned be I, if I hurt someone again. One mistake at the expense of another human being is way too high a price for me. You know, after all, maybe we don’t always know what the right thing to do is. Even if feel we do, probably we don’t. They say listen to your heart, but what if your heart is just as confused and misguided as your mind? What if the road you take gets you to the point you will not wish to have gone?... What if love is not where we are looking for it?