I have not forgotten

Вайлет Р. Кецкарова (allyvrk)

Раздел: Проза на чужд език  Цикъл: Reflections EN

I have not forgotten, Friend. Nor you, nor them, nor the moments together. Not a day passes without a memory. “…and we both know what memories can bring, they bring diamonds and rust…” Let yourself not be misled by the silence of my smile. It’s not even a smile actually, it only looks that way. It’s not like I have nothing to say, I talk, everyday, silently, to myself. It’s not like I don’t care, I just have no words to shape it. I wandered away, I know. Now I can only listen, admire, from afar, silently, with agonizing smile. A mocking smile that mocks me for making all these other choices, for believing I can create a pathway through uncharted lands, for thinking I was strong enough. I am… drawing maps now. But it cost my words. “Faculty failure requires sense anew” (FW) – it is the reverse that’s true, too – new sensation required old faculties to fail. And I cannot say yet if it’s for the better – it takes a life time. I don’t know if it made any difference right now. But it would have, if I hadn’t made all these choices. And that’d be for the worse. So, let’s say, I’m marvelling, right now, at the crossroads, and highways, and small streets, and cul-de-sacs, wondering what to choose next. There’s always the way back, but I know it will now lead me to an awfully lonely place – lonelier than any else, in fact. Because everyone went on from the point where I left. And there would be no one there if I return. I cannot go back. But I have not forgotten what brought me here, Friend… Forever!